I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
