I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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