We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
