it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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