Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Green mimosas i think yes
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
