Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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