Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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