There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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