the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I'm both gender and math confused
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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