put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
