I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
