a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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