Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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