Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize