I CAN MOONWALK!
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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