rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
