I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
