I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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