I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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