Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
