so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
