Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
