I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
You made out with two different species that night
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
