Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
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