where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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