Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
