so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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