I think scott just propositioned me for sex
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
that's an acceptable place to lick
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
