Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
The chlamydia really affected his face.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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