I cockslap morals
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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