Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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