There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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