I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
