so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
