OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
