Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
