It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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