whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
