i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
