just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
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