Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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