Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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