I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
