I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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