That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
