Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
