Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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