I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
