Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
