he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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