Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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