put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
