Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
