remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
